#SingleLife ... I guess lol

i know it's been a while since my last blog. i know i always say that whenever i make a new blog and that this is the time that i will keep a consistent log of my life. that clearly won't be the case anymore, but i just felt the need to express some feelings.

last week i ended an on again-off again 7 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. i really didn't want to do it, but i felt that it was the best thing for us to do. there are certain things i want out of a relationship that he is not necessarily ready for. while frustrating, it's understandable from his point of view. everyone needs time for certain situations in life, but there also comes a time where you should be able to sacrifice certain things for a relationship that is for the benefit of your future with your significant other. i would probably feel differently about certain issues that presented itself recently if i was 5 years younger, but i'm 25 going on 26 and i have to start thinking about the future in all aspects of my life. i can't let life pass me by with "what ifs" on anything that involved a better life. i just wish he could have realized that before. but i wish him the best though.

so now, i have to basically start over in the relationship game. it's a little different nowadays because i'm not the young, fresh (maybe still fresh) & new, and slightly naive guy that i once was, and all i had to do was walk in a place, get noticed, and maybe leave with a number or two lol. i'm a little older and i actually have to put forth some effort, which requires "game" . . . that i don't have lol. i may not be as young, but i can still be super shy, especially if it's someone that i think is cute and i could be in to. but at the moment, i'm not necessarily looking. but if the right person just happens to come along, who am i to say that i'm not interested?

my friends want me to enjoy my life as a single guy for a while. while i will enjoy this time of single life, i will not be the whore of babylon. one friend in particular wants me to be that whore. that is soooo not happening. even my mom thinks that it's not such a bad idea to be a borderline whore!! what?! i was so shocked. she said, "you can have your dalliances here and there, but don't be a whore baby. and make sure you protect yourself." so not a full on whore, but an escort . . . i mean is there really a difference these days? lol. anyways, i've thought about it but i don't know if i'll even go that far. i'm sorry but regardless of my marital status, i am a hopeless romantic and that applies with every "dalliance" that i may encounter. but i'll have fun though, because i am essentially a fun guy to be around.

some things just happen for a reason, but there's no need for the bad things in life to keep you down as long as you have positive things and people around you. also, being productive is good as well, so you don't think too much about it. so the moral of this blog is to HAVE FUN . . . SMILE . . . LOVE (despite anything) . . . and LIVE. and after you do all of that . . . REPEAT.

instant gratification....

DISCLAIMER: 

this post is not geared to anyone in particular, by any means whatsoever...i promise lol

WAIT: to stay in place in expectation of, to remain stationary in readiness or expectation, to be ready and available.

those were just a few definitions of the word that i feel should start off this blog. i start it off that way because i have mastered the skill of waiting, personally and professionally. my occupation entitles me to wait on people, cater to their needs while they enjoy their relaxation, whether by themselves or with family and/or loved ones. i have no problem with that because that is my job, and i do it well in fact because i make good money, i.e. the mastery of waiting lol. i definitely have it down personally. whether it be with my mother, my friends, or even in my relationships. it's always something that i have to wait on, and sometimes i just feel like it's not fair. now don't get me wrong, they do there fair share of waiting lol. for instance, when i get ready, i can take a while based on what i'm doing. i take extra care of myself because i only do it maybe once or twice out of the week so you know never who you might bump in to, and mother always taught me to look presentable when you leave the house, and that is embedded forever in my brain. but that's one reason...another is maybe when it comes to a phone call or text. i can take a while on that because i just phones that much lol. i use it because it's necessary, and i would rather text than talk sometimes because that's how i feel. i'd rather talk to you face-to-face than call and tell you about what's going on in my life. but that's another reason....but for the most part those are the only reasons from my end. i mean if i have more that my friends aren't telling me, they know they can tell me. but sometimes i do just get fed up.

i mean there are a couple of incidents with my friends where they have borrowed money from me...i still haven't seen it. i.e., WAITING. but you know they said they'll pay me right back, and i believe it. i'm not gonna hound you about it because if you tell me you're gonna do something, then i expect you to do it. just like if i tell you i'm gonna pay you back at a certain time, then i'm gonna do it so you don't have to feel some type of way. this is just one thing that i have a problem with. they don't have too many because we know how each other work, so we try to avoid these problems head-on. i love my friends to death so no matter what, i got them....but that shit still gets on my nerves lol.

relationship wise a whole different thing. i feel like i have been waiting for something out of the relationships i've had, that i think can be so simple, for years. just something simple as quality time and affection. but i guess i do have to wait when my relationships are mainly long distance lol. you know, i told myself that i wouldn't have another long distance relationship, but one was about to present itself. but that couldn't have been helped though, my feelings were there and i wasn't gonna pass that up. anyways lol, back to the topics at hand....quality time is so crucial in any relationship; the chance to get to know your partner emotionally and physically, but not so much sexually until the time is right. i mean that's all i've really ever wanted and that doesn't happen because of the distance. but now in my life i want it NOW. i think i've waited long enough for it and the people that say they wanted to do it and things have changed and they're able now or was trying to but just not yet were just telling me, even if they don't know it, that i have to wait a little bit longer, and i'm just tired of it. they mean well don't get me wrong but i have so much love to give and i wanna give it to someone that doesn't have me on pause, even if it's slight, until they get their life together....like come on now. i can't say that i'm perfect and my life's path isn't where i wanted it to be but i'm dealing. and if love happens to come in while i'm getting it together, i'm not gonna put it on halt and hide and do all that because of what others think or put limits on it because of your finances, i just won't. whoa let me stop it, i'm trying to keep it cute as possible while staying honest lol....bottom line, i just want to be somebody's everything without hindrance, flaws and all, and not have to wonder about the next time i see you. maybe i'm asking for too much....not perfection though... but i don't know. instant gratification isn't the best thing in life, but in cases like this, can it be? just once?....*sigh*....i'm an optimist, so i definitely believe that good things come to those who wait....so yeah....the wait continues.