#SingleLife ... I guess lol

i know it's been a while since my last blog. i know i always say that whenever i make a new blog and that this is the time that i will keep a consistent log of my life. that clearly won't be the case anymore, but i just felt the need to express some feelings.

last week i ended an on again-off again 7 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. i really didn't want to do it, but i felt that it was the best thing for us to do. there are certain things i want out of a relationship that he is not necessarily ready for. while frustrating, it's understandable from his point of view. everyone needs time for certain situations in life, but there also comes a time where you should be able to sacrifice certain things for a relationship that is for the benefit of your future with your significant other. i would probably feel differently about certain issues that presented itself recently if i was 5 years younger, but i'm 25 going on 26 and i have to start thinking about the future in all aspects of my life. i can't let life pass me by with "what ifs" on anything that involved a better life. i just wish he could have realized that before. but i wish him the best though.

so now, i have to basically start over in the relationship game. it's a little different nowadays because i'm not the young, fresh (maybe still fresh) & new, and slightly naive guy that i once was, and all i had to do was walk in a place, get noticed, and maybe leave with a number or two lol. i'm a little older and i actually have to put forth some effort, which requires "game" . . . that i don't have lol. i may not be as young, but i can still be super shy, especially if it's someone that i think is cute and i could be in to. but at the moment, i'm not necessarily looking. but if the right person just happens to come along, who am i to say that i'm not interested?

my friends want me to enjoy my life as a single guy for a while. while i will enjoy this time of single life, i will not be the whore of babylon. one friend in particular wants me to be that whore. that is soooo not happening. even my mom thinks that it's not such a bad idea to be a borderline whore!! what?! i was so shocked. she said, "you can have your dalliances here and there, but don't be a whore baby. and make sure you protect yourself." so not a full on whore, but an escort . . . i mean is there really a difference these days? lol. anyways, i've thought about it but i don't know if i'll even go that far. i'm sorry but regardless of my marital status, i am a hopeless romantic and that applies with every "dalliance" that i may encounter. but i'll have fun though, because i am essentially a fun guy to be around.

some things just happen for a reason, but there's no need for the bad things in life to keep you down as long as you have positive things and people around you. also, being productive is good as well, so you don't think too much about it. so the moral of this blog is to HAVE FUN . . . SMILE . . . LOVE (despite anything) . . . and LIVE. and after you do all of that . . . REPEAT.

I Stand by Truth ... I Stand by Brandy.

yesterday i posted a status on facebook and i think i'm just gonna keep it up there for a while. it was basically a status about life and success. i got the words from my idol, Brandy. in a combination of both her words and mine, i posted that it is better to appreciate the journey of your life than focus so much on the destination of it. we all want success, but there are so many factors that come with said success; and if you don't acquire those factors throughout your life and learn from the mistakes made, then you'll just keep running down that path of ... nowhere.  that was my interpretation of it at least.  anyhow, Brandy's been saying this for a long time. i remember when her pregnancy special came on MTV back in 2002 and she was talking to her mother, Sonja, and her grandmother, and she said "i believe life is a journey, not a destination."  i was 14 at the time and i totally got it then.  i've definitely made mistakes in my life, but once i learn from them, that statement just comes right back because there's so much truth to it.  but she always seems to get me, along with others that love her like i do, right together when i'm feeling some kind of way about something.  she's just one of those rare artists ... rare people ... that can truly relate to the people that she touches, either through her beautiful songs or her "Brandoms" (via twitter), because she's been through similar issues, if not the same, just on a different kind of level sometimes.  she just makes you wanna do better, you know?  she makes me wanna do better, feel better, just be an all-around positive person.  i mean, i'm a naturally optimistic person already, but she just inspires me to be a greater being ... "Praise His Light" ... lol it's funny because i had a hard time writing after that last sentence ... i kept reading what i wrote above because i wanted to write about the status i wrote on facebook, but then it turned into an ode to Brandy. i have no problems with that at all lol, but it's clearly obvious that because i have pretty much grown up with her, being someone that i've listened to on a constant basis, and looked up to consistently, she's just naturally a part of my life now.  she has truly gotten me through some things (depression, relationship woes, deaths in my family, finding my identity) not just off her emotional and soulful vocal delivery through a song, but the truth that she puts behind it.  she is a gift, and as long she keeps her truth, i will stand behind her 4EVER with every fiber of my being.  i love her that much.

Celibacy Blues...

So...lol...sex has been on my mind more than ever for quite a while now. Every day in fact for the past 5 months. It's not necessarily all that I think about but it's just a constant thought lol. I believe that if I had gotten it on a more frequent basis while I was still in my relationship, I probably would have less sexual fantasies because I would be making them a reality lol. But I'm not, and now that I'm currently single I'm sure it's going to be harder to make it a reality, knowing that I just don't have sex with anyone. There has to be something there, a connection. I'd rather be in a relationship, or on that path to one, when taking it to that level with someone instead of hooking up with a random and regretting it the following day, you know? I just feel like that scares guys away nowadays. But I'm not gonna lower my standards because I'm horny or if the guy is cute, he likes me and wants to get to no me better. Don't even try it lol. So for now my sexual fantasies will be nice and imaginative, in technicolor and surround sound, until that someone comes and makes them a reality.

a weight has been lifted...and it feels soooo good

so earlier this week i came out to my mother. the funny thing is i had a dream about it maybe a day or two prior. it didn't necessarily go as it played out in the dream, but my mom's delivery was kind of similar in how she brought it up. you know, i rehearsed how i was going to tell her over and over in my head; where i was going to tell her, what kind of attitude i was going to have, just to make sure i softened the blow. yeah that was all a fail lol. it just happened to come out while we were having one of our few and far between mother-son dinners. i took her out to a really nice restaurant (Aberdeen Barn) where we, in a way, were celebrating our birthdays that passed within the last two weeks. since we didn't dine with each other on our actual birthdays, i made up for it with this and it's always a treat to spend time with my mom.

anyways, we were just having our regular conversation about what's coming up and going on in our lives, and during that i brought up a couple of my girl friends. one of them use to be a really close friend of mine, who now i don't really speak to at all, is engaged. after she was pleasantly surprised, my mom first asked whether or not it was to a man. i chuckled and replied back and told her that my friend was in fact engaged to a man. she then told me that she always wondered about my friend, whether or not she was going to be a lesbian. again, i chuckled, but i told my mom why i knew that wasn't going to happen and why she used to act the way she did. she went on to tell me that she always thought my friend and i would have gotten together. while the thought of that relationship crossed my mind a few times in the past, once i got into my last couple of years of high school, i knew that wasn't going to happen just because we were slowly starting to grow apart, and i was starting to like guys lol. now my other friend of mine, who i am still very close with, she is in fact a lesbian. we love each other like we're family because we've known one another for such a long time. but when we were younger, before we got to that family bond, we briefly liked each other lol. i try not to think about that little moment in time we had (i don't even think she remembers it lol) just because we've gotten pass that time in our lives and we've bonded on a much deeper level throughout the years. we were always close, but it was when we came out to each other when we were in high school that really brought us closer together. we just felt more comfortable with each other from then on. i brought up those details because my mom asked me how she was doing, but she also mentioned that she use to like me and then tried to compare both of my girl friends and figure out why i never had a relationship with them and then one of them ended up becoming a lesbian...she was just mind-boggled. then, the two questions that i was dreading but had a feeling were coming up, "what's the deal?! are you gay?!" so i looked up, laughed, and almost brushed it off and told her no, but before i was gonna reply she said, "if you are it's cool." i told myself i wouldn't lie about this to her anymore, and if it ever came up again i would just be as honest as i can be. granted i didn't expect that it would be at that place and time, but all that showed me was that you can never time things like this. so, i put my head down, looked at her and nodded with a grin. after that, we told each other we loved one another and at the end of the day, we just want each other to be happy with whomever we are with. it was so smooth, it was surreal. i just knew there was gonna be all sorts of oscar-worthy scenes up and through that restaurant, but there wasn't lol. there were no tears, no disowning of any kind, just real love and real talk...and that's why my mother is the shit. then she added with her dramatic ass voice, "now i'm part of the elite moms with gay children, like Cher and Barbara Streisand." it was going so well lol...and again, i chuckled, then we went on with whatever we were talking about. so now i can say to whoever asks in the future how my coming out story went, i'll reply, "she asked, i nodded, we laughed, then finished our conversation." lol

after our evening came to a close, for some reason i felt weird, but it was a happy weird. a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, but it didn't feel real, just because i expected it to go down in such a different way. i guess that's how you're suppose to feel after a moment like this happens. but now i can honestly say that i feel soooo free!! the fact that the only person that truly matters to me now knows pretty much everything going on in my life makes me feel good...real good. but now that i'm coming down from this high, it's time to focus on my life and what consists of it. but i'll never forget that moment with my mother...

To: A Love Worth Saving by Forest Cooke

you tell me actions speak louder than words.
well i'm trying to convey this to you like herds
of sheep that i know annoy the fuck out of that sheep herder.
look, i'm not trying to be annoying,
but i try to keep avoiding
those situations that we go through.
you know, the ones that make you
go over the mountain, and through the roof?
but that should only give you proof
that there's a problem...with you.
cause it ain't me.
while you may disagree
that you haven't changed,
i've seen the evolution of you
and you need to rearrange
some things that you do.
now don't get me wrong boo,
i'm not perfect either.
sometimes i can be a hider
of emotions that i should express.
while one of these are unhappiness,
that's not what i'm trying to be,
or cause you any stress.
i just want you to be free...with me,
so that you'll see the happy...in us.
i'm telling you this so you know
how i feel, and that i try to show you
that our love can grow.
but you have to want it to,
if the future is me and you...

a mood manifested...

so last week my emotions were kind of all over the place. i have to say it wasn't my best looking days of rest & relaxation lol. but after i had to finally get it together by the end of the week (because i had to go to work), i was trying to figure out why my first day off of rest & relaxation became a 3-5 day emotional free for all. while my mom & uncle were out of town i actually had the opportunity to be productive and execute the tasks i had planned while having peace and quiet. i had the peace and quiet, but the being productive part was just not happening for me. normally the first day off i have out of the week i just chill, watch some t.v., or play around on the computer. but this time it was different. it was almost like i couldn't move from that one spot. i was downstairs, watched t.v. for most of the day, didn't really use my computer that much, and just thought about certain things that were on my mind. thinking about it now it was almost like an outer-body experience for me because i would never just stay in the same spot like that for days. it kind of scared me. during the days that i had off i would wake up and feel great because i knew that today would be that day that i would be productive and more optimistic than i was the previous day. i would be ready for the world in the morning, and then something would trigger me and i would fall right back into that spot and get right back into my feelings. then everything that i set out to do would just fall flat. i might have wanted to go to the store, clean the house, do some yard work for my mom, or even see some friends...but i didn't. that's something that i don't like to happen, especially when it comes to me wanting to do something, or saying that i'm going to and don't do it because my mood gets in the way. when it comes to friends i definitely hate it when my mood gets in the way because they may feel that i'm neglecting them when it's really not the case. i don't know...i just can't have those kind of days again. it should be against the law...

p.s. it's good to blog again...hopefully, this will be a weekly thing. maybe daily, but i won't push that lol

instant gratification....

DISCLAIMER: 

this post is not geared to anyone in particular, by any means whatsoever...i promise lol

WAIT: to stay in place in expectation of, to remain stationary in readiness or expectation, to be ready and available.

those were just a few definitions of the word that i feel should start off this blog. i start it off that way because i have mastered the skill of waiting, personally and professionally. my occupation entitles me to wait on people, cater to their needs while they enjoy their relaxation, whether by themselves or with family and/or loved ones. i have no problem with that because that is my job, and i do it well in fact because i make good money, i.e. the mastery of waiting lol. i definitely have it down personally. whether it be with my mother, my friends, or even in my relationships. it's always something that i have to wait on, and sometimes i just feel like it's not fair. now don't get me wrong, they do there fair share of waiting lol. for instance, when i get ready, i can take a while based on what i'm doing. i take extra care of myself because i only do it maybe once or twice out of the week so you know never who you might bump in to, and mother always taught me to look presentable when you leave the house, and that is embedded forever in my brain. but that's one reason...another is maybe when it comes to a phone call or text. i can take a while on that because i just phones that much lol. i use it because it's necessary, and i would rather text than talk sometimes because that's how i feel. i'd rather talk to you face-to-face than call and tell you about what's going on in my life. but that's another reason....but for the most part those are the only reasons from my end. i mean if i have more that my friends aren't telling me, they know they can tell me. but sometimes i do just get fed up.

i mean there are a couple of incidents with my friends where they have borrowed money from me...i still haven't seen it. i.e., WAITING. but you know they said they'll pay me right back, and i believe it. i'm not gonna hound you about it because if you tell me you're gonna do something, then i expect you to do it. just like if i tell you i'm gonna pay you back at a certain time, then i'm gonna do it so you don't have to feel some type of way. this is just one thing that i have a problem with. they don't have too many because we know how each other work, so we try to avoid these problems head-on. i love my friends to death so no matter what, i got them....but that shit still gets on my nerves lol.

relationship wise a whole different thing. i feel like i have been waiting for something out of the relationships i've had, that i think can be so simple, for years. just something simple as quality time and affection. but i guess i do have to wait when my relationships are mainly long distance lol. you know, i told myself that i wouldn't have another long distance relationship, but one was about to present itself. but that couldn't have been helped though, my feelings were there and i wasn't gonna pass that up. anyways lol, back to the topics at hand....quality time is so crucial in any relationship; the chance to get to know your partner emotionally and physically, but not so much sexually until the time is right. i mean that's all i've really ever wanted and that doesn't happen because of the distance. but now in my life i want it NOW. i think i've waited long enough for it and the people that say they wanted to do it and things have changed and they're able now or was trying to but just not yet were just telling me, even if they don't know it, that i have to wait a little bit longer, and i'm just tired of it. they mean well don't get me wrong but i have so much love to give and i wanna give it to someone that doesn't have me on pause, even if it's slight, until they get their life together....like come on now. i can't say that i'm perfect and my life's path isn't where i wanted it to be but i'm dealing. and if love happens to come in while i'm getting it together, i'm not gonna put it on halt and hide and do all that because of what others think or put limits on it because of your finances, i just won't. whoa let me stop it, i'm trying to keep it cute as possible while staying honest lol....bottom line, i just want to be somebody's everything without hindrance, flaws and all, and not have to wonder about the next time i see you. maybe i'm asking for too much....not perfection though... but i don't know. instant gratification isn't the best thing in life, but in cases like this, can it be? just once?....*sigh*....i'm an optimist, so i definitely believe that good things come to those who wait....so yeah....the wait continues.  

music...the new new....GET INTO IT!!!

janelle monae - the archandroid

yahzarah - the ballad of purple st. james

cee-lo green - stray bullets (mixtape)

b.o.b - the adventures of bobby ray

christina aguilera - bionic

ok i believe that when it comes to music, i am very open-minded, so i am a good critic. but i don't want to steer you into my opinion too much because i want you to have your own. these are just a few albums i have recently got in to. so i'm just merely suggesting them to you. take it as you will. now get into them!!! lol

MUCH LOVE.

To new beginnings, and much success... Pt. 2

ALRIGHTY!!!! i'm finally finishing up my blog of new beginnings and much success with part two. i've wanted to do this for a while, but some things were happening personally and i couldn't focus on it like i wanted to. but now i'm ready!!! ok, so from part 1, i was talking about what was going on in the month of may. i pretty much covered a good portion of the topics of discussion for the exception of my personal relationships of my family and friends, new and old. so let's get started...

i think i'll start with family first.  i normally have no problems with family. for the most part my family is well.  but i did have some scares this year so far. well, first it started with a death, my Aunt Louise. she was 93 and it we knew it was coming but we didn't want it to though. we loved her very much and still do...RIP Aunt Louise....but later down the line (around and between april and may), two of my immediate relatives (on my mom's side) had different things goin on with them. my uncle started with his aortic dissection (google it for a good description).  it was so unexpected but it happened and it scared everyone.  my grandfather had one two years ago, and it didn't turn out too well for him. i mean, he's still here with us, but his progression is slow to say the least...but he is doing better, praise the Lord.  but back to my uncle, he is doing better now, but it could have been bad. luckily, his good health is what saved him. he was in great shape because he was recently body-building for a while. but he can no longer do that, or heavy lifting for that matter any longer.  and what is sad about that is is that really made him happy.  but he'll get better again.  but now this is somewhat stressing me out because this might be hereditary....and THAT IS NOT THE BUSINESS!!! but anyways...yay for the recovery Uncle Rob....now my Aunt Jackie's case was just as crucial if not worse.  one of the healthiest, and health-conscious people in my family (she has a damn ph.d in health education people) had a minor stroke.  when i tell you i was so scared for her guys, i jumped right up and went to dc.  i was already preparing for that trip because the week she had her stroke was the same week of my father's birth (i'll talk about that in a second).  but it stressed me out. that was like the last straw. 

when my uncle had his incident, i was a little scared and sad. scared because it had happened to my grandfather, and he didn't recover in the way i thought he would, and that had everybody trippin out. and then sad because that is my mom's little brother and the look on her face when my grandmother called and told us.....i wanted to cry but i had to keep it together for her because she was going through sooo much at the time. but the incident with my aunt, i just couldn't take it for a second. my aunt is like....my everything. i love her so much. i care about her ENTIRE life because she stresses the most out of my entire family COMBINED. if it's not about money (which she has plenty of ), it's her relationship, and then her job....that damn job. ugh, it gets me so upset, even writing about it. but when i was up there, my mom and i went to the hospital and talked to her and my aunt and i had a serious talk....a grown-up talk, and she listened to me. we had had one of these a few months ago. she was hearing me, but she didn't listen because she had too much shit on her mind...but she listened this time. she didn't have a choice. it was either do or die for her situation because we can't have anymore strokes...that's a NO-GO. just no more stress period...high blood pressure + stress + hours of sleep that you can only count on one hand = DEATH...and i need her to live. i need everyone to live. i need everyone to just stop stressing. i mentioned it in my facebook status that week because it was just saturated throughout my family, and it was freakin me out more than ever.

so to end this half, STRESS is bad. i want my family to just stop, enjoy life and not take it so head-on, full force. i mean stress is natural when you're trying to accomplish something in life, but do you have to pay for it with your health? sorry, i vote NO. just deal with it calm and rationally because i would loooove to see you in front of my face on thanksgiving, at the dinner table, instead of in a hospital somewhere. and i thank you....and i love you....my Cooke fam.

ok, i'm still talking about family....buuuut, it's my other side now. my father's side. i don't have too much to say about them yet because i'm getting to know them now. it took me a long time to get to this point. you know, it starts with my father, and me and my father's relationship had an existence, but didn't really get started until the time of his passing,  but i loved him a great deal....love u dad....but back to the brown fam, what i love about them is that they never gave up on me. and for that,  they have my full attention for the rest of my life!!! lol....i recently attended the annual brown family reunion at the end of may, and they took me in like time never passed. i felt like a stranger so it was still awkward a little bit, but that will change because they will see more of me.

now on to my friends....yay!! lol...i love the friends that i have, my close ones. we have all grown into adults in a short amount of time, but that makes our friendships with one another so much better. there are some that didn't last, among my circle that is, like i hoped, but they're still connected to each other through me....there is still hope for them (my optimism talking!!!) but aside from my old friends, i have made some new ones....and one in particular has their own special category. but yeah i don't wanna say too much about it because it's still in the beginning stages, but i'm very happy to see where it's going. i haven't been this happy, personally, in a long time so i'm gonna stick to this lol. i see a change in me and so do my friends that see me. NEW BEGINNINGS!!!! i have to say though, it did start out rough lol, but that good ole internal organ that keeps the blood pumping through my body? it told me what to do lol....but anyways, anyways, that's the deal people.

alright, so i think i've covered everything i was feeling based on this blog. i'll probably blog some more though. i'm really getting into it this time around. i just have a lot to say and that special someone is inspiring me to say it....2 points for you!!! lol....

ok i'm done...bye....holla back...see you on the flip side....

LOVE AND BLESSINGS!!!!

To new beginnings, and much success... Pt. 1

ok so this is the first time in a while that i have written a blog, but for good and bad reasons. 1, i was just being lazy. 2, i was working. 3, i didn't have too much to write about. and i told myself this year, in doing this blog, i wasn't going to write about pointless things. so nooow, i have some things to write about.


alright, so the month of may has been a somewhat busy one for me thus far. work, social calendar, and just personal relationships with family and new friends seem to have started heavy this month. i'm guessing that this is the time to kick everything i want to happen for me in life into overdrive before its too late. but sometimes, i can get so nervous and scared. I just wonder if i have what it takes to succeed. but i have to think positive and claim my success. Like one of my favorite artists, Brandy, said "I'm claiming much success for me this year, because the sun has to shine somewhere..." so that will be my motto for 2010, unless changed otherwise.

but back to this month, i went to my first (and probably last lol) all-white party. it was a very exciting event to attend. it was my first club party, as well as my first DC club experience (shoutout to Hogates). i saw people i hadn't seen in a long time, and everyone looked so good....well not everyone, but it was good to see a group of black young adults look classy in white lol. although things didn't go as planned like they were suppose to...ugh, ridiculous lol...there was still much fun that took place, thanks to my friends that i stuck with...shoutout to Naya, Kima, Kima's new beau, and her friend. AND the fact that i saw my beautiful cousins at the party just took it over the top....repping for the fam with class and beauty was what i needed. I didn't do too shabby myself either...shoutout to EXPRESS lol.

now, there was a new years' resolution that i said i was gonna stick by. if you happen to have read one of my previous blogs, it had something to do with independence. while i have plenty of that, i would love to take someone along with me on my adventures, but i'm not gonna beg, so i end up doing things by myself which is fine...but that might change soon lol. anyways, i'm saying this because i was suppose to go to this concert in DC on the 8th of this month that i was very excited for, but my concert buddy just hasn't been able to be in contact, so i've been hesitating. NO MORE OF THAT. I mean the last one i did go to though was something that i will never forget. Janelle Monae is phenomenal...i'll just leave it that lol. so yeah, i need to get back into my concert mode, immediately.

ummm...oh ok, WORK. so work has been very exhausting lately, but it has kind of paid off though. i mean i do need another one pronto, but for the time being i'm very much satisfied. i have made a lot of good friends and have just been more into work than just doing it and leaving without really getting to know the people i work with. there are times where i hate working but it's the people that make it worth coming back to, and of course the money....shoutout to my co-workers and the summer movies lol.

ok, i don't want to write anymore because i want to save some for part 2 lol...so stay alert for it.....

MUCH LOVE.

support real music....GET INTO THEM!!!

my firends...mi amigos...mes amis....

"friends....how many of us have them?" for me, i have lots of them and i cherish them all dearly. it may not seem like i do at times, but i do. they help me get through whatever i may be going through at a certain time in my life. lately though, i feel as if i'm neglecting my friends....maybe one in particular lol. the point is, i love my friends and there is no need for them to feel as if i am dodging them in any kind of way. i might see one for a brief moment, and i might see another for a few hours, but the fact remains is that the love stays the same all around. there is no doubt i have had many friends in my lifetime...many have come and gone like the seasons change, and others have stayed around throughout life's experiences. the ones that stick around.....well, they always have a place in my heart and will never be forgotten. SO DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!!! (insider)

formspring.me

if you ask, then i'll be honest.... http://formspring.me/BluCookEmonstr

it's ok sometimes....REALLY!!!

so next friday, i'm going to see Timbaland perform at the NorVa in norfolk, va. i have to say, i am very excited about this. i haven't been to a concert since october of 2008....JANET JACKSON....*thinking of the memories*....ok, and i'm back lol. but i am going and as much as i would love to take someone or someone come along with me, i have decided to go by myself. this year, one of my many new years' resolutions is to do more things independently than to always ask or invite people to tag along. i mean....i get it....really. sometimes people just don't have the money at the time to do the things you might want to do, or they're just not interested in that kind of thing, and i totally understand. so, with those reasons being, i'm going by myself and that's totally ok with me. i personally don't understand why some people think it's so bad to go to events by yourself, or when you're asked who's going with you, you reply " i'm going by myself," and they reply back with "why are you going by yourself?!" BECAUSE I WANT TO!!! lol....it's always good to be around people that you know already and enjoy certain activities together; but being by yourself sometimes, you might enjoy it on a whole other level and meet new people in the process. i just know that i will no longer sit around and wait for someone to accept my invitation, and then when the time comes they can't do it and i'm no longer in the position to enjoy that certain event because i don't have the money now. NO SIR, NO MA'AM. (the message: DON'T HOLD BACK!!!)....so on january 15th, i will be at the NorVA, somewhere in the middle of the crowd getting my life from his setlist. i could possibly gain some new friends from this concert. and i might even see some people i already know there, so i'll just have to wait and see. OH!!! i forgot.....one of the other reasons i chose to go to this concert was in the hopes that one of my favorite artists, BRANDY, might grace us with her presence. she has been rapping recently with her new alter-ego, Bran'Nu, on his new LP Shock Value 2 (if you don't have it, you should go pick it up. it's great!!). she has also has been performing with him at certain events so that surprise will be the icing on the cake. but i won't jump the gun lol, i'll still enjoy the party that Timbaland's gonna bring. i'll tell u about it after it happens, but until then.....

ENJOY LIFE, AND NEVER HOLD BACK!!! for anyone.

just keepin' it F0r3sT.....

there's THE creator... and then there's MY creator...

she brought in the new year with me, so it's only fitting that she kick off my new look of my blog.

FABULOUS.FIERCE.FUNKY.

love u mom....

A Tragic, but Historical Moment . . .

DISCLAIMER:

This post is for MJ fans and people that appreciate and celebrate his legacy. If you do not have anything nice or positive to say, you will be blocked and i will delete your comment. I do not mind honest opinions, but not negative ones. NOT NOW, so get over it and keep steppin.

OK, so as you all know, on Thursday, June 25, 2009, Michael Joseph Jackson died at the age 50 years old. He had a cardiac arrest (which is NOT a heart attack, there is a difference), but was probably not resuscitated in time. Then reports said that he was in a coma, which resulted in his death. While it has been almost 2 days since his death, I cannot really believe he is dead . . . like, i just can't grasp it. He was such an inspiration to me, and others around the world. He (and Janet!!) made me want to dance and master it (which is why I am somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to that). I'm really waiting for him to come out on stage at the BET Awards, that airs on Sunday, say "And this is how you make a comeback," perform BAD with perfection at it's finest, moonwalk off, and then have us screaming for more lol. But I know that's not reality (but i really want him to do that shit on the low though).

But seriously, I was talking to my mom earlier, and the newspaper was on the kitchen table and I made sure NO ONE threw the main page out because it had MJ on it with his signature "Billie Jean" performance look, in the spotlight. I was like, "UNH UNH, let me put this in a safe place because this will not be thrown out. This is a historical piece of paper right here." And she agreed because it truly is. As tragic as this moment in time is, it's a very historical moment as well. I told her we've lost the 2nd greatest man to ever live. She corrected me though and said he is the 3rd. Let me get you into the list:

1. The GREATEST man to ever live: GOD
2. The 2nd greatest: BARACK OBAMA
3. The 3rd greatest: MICHAEL JACKSON

I couldn't disagree with that lol. I mean, we have immortalized MJ so much throughout of his entertainment career, we really did not expect for him to die. Like one of my friends said in her status on Facebook, I really thought I would die before he would (and I'm so sincere about that lol). It just does not feel real to me yet. I just know that now, more than ever, people are coming for the KING OF POP title now. Of course, they will all say that they can never be like Michael Jackson (AND THEY BETTER BELIEVE THAT SHIT), but deep down they think it's their chance. NO NO. That will never happen, in anyone's lifetime. We can have all of the Chhris Brown's, Usher's, and Ne-Yo's in the world, but it will never be to the perfection, and precision, that is MICHAEL JACKSON. So, if anyone who wants to be in the entertainment industry that is striving to become a singer/entertainer and reads this, all I ask of you is to please be ORIGINAL. Yes, Michael Jackson wrote the rule book on how to become the KING OF POP, but in order for you to be the new King, you must change the rules and bring originality. He can be imitated, but NEVER DUPLICATED. Understand it, and keep it moving.

As for the media, this autopsy business . . . that shit is for the birds. I honestly do not care how he really died, but I guess inquiring minds still want to know. He has passed, let him rest in peace. I won't be tuning in for that speech, I'll probably hear it from my mom or my uncle later on during that day. Also, this "where does that leave the kids?" business . . . last time i checked, they had mothers. Oh yeah, and THE JACKSON FAMILY!!!! The media can be so damn stupid lol. Plus, he has a will (I think), and I'm sure the kids are going to have a place to call home, as well as other things that he has left behind.

One of my mother's friends asked what was the purpose for all of the media coverage for him. All she knew was that he allegedly molested children. She also said it seemed like the world stopped for him. WELL, it did!!! Despite all the controversy in his life, all the negativity and mystery that came with Michael Jackson, you could not deny what this man was about as a whole: an entertainer who touched the lives of millions with his music and videos. All that he has done for THE WORLD surpasses the negative. He was massive and his collection of work will live on forever for generations to appreciate. He will never be forgotten, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!

From a true MJ fan, and others . . . . WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!!

Michael Joseph Jackson

August 29, 1958-June 25, 2009

Servitude Sadness . . .

Ok, so I am a waiter at a restaurant/movie theater that will remain nameless so I will be employed tomorrow lol. For the most part, I love my job, but of course there are always things that tick me off about working there. Here are a some things that just don't sit well with me, AT ALL!!! Get into them:

1. When stepping foot into the building, why do people lose all common sense? Get your ticket, go to the usher stand so they can direct you where to go. And if one is not there, a server will. And if a server cannot at the moment, READ THE MOVIE SIGNS!!! It is not complicated, and you should already know what movie you're watching anyways. You're walking up and down the hall . . . frantic . . . for what? Get it togehter.


2. I am aware that I serve the customer, but it would be nice for the customer to actually READ the menu lol. I should not have to recite the entire the menu to you including the price of the beverage or entree when they are clearly written beside them in BOLD. That kills me. Are you really that lazy to read?


3. BE ON TIME!!! Don't come to the theater (a packed one at that) and expect to be served right away when you know you've come 10 minutes into the movie and you just want us in front of you so you can take your time ordering. In the words of one of my managers, "NO NO." Turn on your phone light, take your time, read the menu, then stand it up when you're ready.


4. People, don't be mad when servers have to walk over top of you to get to other tables. The theaters are situated in a way that chairs are in-between chairs that sit behind the bar table and small individual tables. If you want to be comfortable, you should take #3 into consideration because it is not my fault that I have to get through to another table. And don't act like you don't have to move a little when i try to get by because I will end up stepping on your foot by accident, causing you to get angry at YOURSELF, because it's not at me lol.


5. PARENTS, put your parenting skills into motion. When you bring your children, get them together before even bringing them into the place. There is no reason for them to act out. Of course you cannot control their outbursts all the time, but you can control what they eat. It be best if the food goes IN to their mouths than on in the floor. Our food is too expensive to waste for the floor, but I guess that is your fault.


6. I understand that we are in a recession, but do not show how cheap you are and ask if water is free. UGH!!!


7. Now, I'm sure when some of you eat at home, the end result does not look that bad. Why is it that after you eat here, it looks like Hurricane Katrina "hit it and quit it" in the theater? I don't get it. It would be nice if you could stack your trays neatly together, and the popcorn actually goes into your mouth (and this goes for the children AND adults). When we (the servers) see this, we wonder what your house looks like. We are aware that we have to clean regardless, but it shouldn't be that much.


8. Last but not least . . . TIP YOUR SERVER!!!! TIP YOUR SERVER!!! TIP YOUR SERVER!!! We do not work for free. We also do not work off minimum wage either (it's lower, way lower). If you know you do not have a lot of money to spend, do not spend it up to the limit and have nothing for your server. That is so inconsiderate, especially for the fact that we have to serve you and run back and forth whenever you're in need of something. 15% would be nice, but if that's too much for you at the moment, fine, as long as it's over a dollar. BUT, if you know that you're going to have an $80-$100 tab (a.k.a bill), don't be ignorant. All I can say is KARMA will bite you . . . HARD!!!

Well, that's it. I just thought that I'd get that out of my system because I have been thinking about this for a while. So the next time you're at a restaurant, take some of these tips into consideration. DONE and DONE!!!