instant gratification....

DISCLAIMER: 

this post is not geared to anyone in particular, by any means whatsoever...i promise lol

WAIT: to stay in place in expectation of, to remain stationary in readiness or expectation, to be ready and available.

those were just a few definitions of the word that i feel should start off this blog. i start it off that way because i have mastered the skill of waiting, personally and professionally. my occupation entitles me to wait on people, cater to their needs while they enjoy their relaxation, whether by themselves or with family and/or loved ones. i have no problem with that because that is my job, and i do it well in fact because i make good money, i.e. the mastery of waiting lol. i definitely have it down personally. whether it be with my mother, my friends, or even in my relationships. it's always something that i have to wait on, and sometimes i just feel like it's not fair. now don't get me wrong, they do there fair share of waiting lol. for instance, when i get ready, i can take a while based on what i'm doing. i take extra care of myself because i only do it maybe once or twice out of the week so you know never who you might bump in to, and mother always taught me to look presentable when you leave the house, and that is embedded forever in my brain. but that's one reason...another is maybe when it comes to a phone call or text. i can take a while on that because i just phones that much lol. i use it because it's necessary, and i would rather text than talk sometimes because that's how i feel. i'd rather talk to you face-to-face than call and tell you about what's going on in my life. but that's another reason....but for the most part those are the only reasons from my end. i mean if i have more that my friends aren't telling me, they know they can tell me. but sometimes i do just get fed up.

i mean there are a couple of incidents with my friends where they have borrowed money from me...i still haven't seen it. i.e., WAITING. but you know they said they'll pay me right back, and i believe it. i'm not gonna hound you about it because if you tell me you're gonna do something, then i expect you to do it. just like if i tell you i'm gonna pay you back at a certain time, then i'm gonna do it so you don't have to feel some type of way. this is just one thing that i have a problem with. they don't have too many because we know how each other work, so we try to avoid these problems head-on. i love my friends to death so no matter what, i got them....but that shit still gets on my nerves lol.

relationship wise a whole different thing. i feel like i have been waiting for something out of the relationships i've had, that i think can be so simple, for years. just something simple as quality time and affection. but i guess i do have to wait when my relationships are mainly long distance lol. you know, i told myself that i wouldn't have another long distance relationship, but one was about to present itself. but that couldn't have been helped though, my feelings were there and i wasn't gonna pass that up. anyways lol, back to the topics at hand....quality time is so crucial in any relationship; the chance to get to know your partner emotionally and physically, but not so much sexually until the time is right. i mean that's all i've really ever wanted and that doesn't happen because of the distance. but now in my life i want it NOW. i think i've waited long enough for it and the people that say they wanted to do it and things have changed and they're able now or was trying to but just not yet were just telling me, even if they don't know it, that i have to wait a little bit longer, and i'm just tired of it. they mean well don't get me wrong but i have so much love to give and i wanna give it to someone that doesn't have me on pause, even if it's slight, until they get their life together....like come on now. i can't say that i'm perfect and my life's path isn't where i wanted it to be but i'm dealing. and if love happens to come in while i'm getting it together, i'm not gonna put it on halt and hide and do all that because of what others think or put limits on it because of your finances, i just won't. whoa let me stop it, i'm trying to keep it cute as possible while staying honest lol....bottom line, i just want to be somebody's everything without hindrance, flaws and all, and not have to wonder about the next time i see you. maybe i'm asking for too much....not perfection though... but i don't know. instant gratification isn't the best thing in life, but in cases like this, can it be? just once?....*sigh*....i'm an optimist, so i definitely believe that good things come to those who wait....so yeah....the wait continues.  

music...the new new....GET INTO IT!!!

janelle monae - the archandroid

yahzarah - the ballad of purple st. james

cee-lo green - stray bullets (mixtape)

b.o.b - the adventures of bobby ray

christina aguilera - bionic

ok i believe that when it comes to music, i am very open-minded, so i am a good critic. but i don't want to steer you into my opinion too much because i want you to have your own. these are just a few albums i have recently got in to. so i'm just merely suggesting them to you. take it as you will. now get into them!!! lol

MUCH LOVE.

To new beginnings, and much success... Pt. 2

ALRIGHTY!!!! i'm finally finishing up my blog of new beginnings and much success with part two. i've wanted to do this for a while, but some things were happening personally and i couldn't focus on it like i wanted to. but now i'm ready!!! ok, so from part 1, i was talking about what was going on in the month of may. i pretty much covered a good portion of the topics of discussion for the exception of my personal relationships of my family and friends, new and old. so let's get started...

i think i'll start with family first.  i normally have no problems with family. for the most part my family is well.  but i did have some scares this year so far. well, first it started with a death, my Aunt Louise. she was 93 and it we knew it was coming but we didn't want it to though. we loved her very much and still do...RIP Aunt Louise....but later down the line (around and between april and may), two of my immediate relatives (on my mom's side) had different things goin on with them. my uncle started with his aortic dissection (google it for a good description).  it was so unexpected but it happened and it scared everyone.  my grandfather had one two years ago, and it didn't turn out too well for him. i mean, he's still here with us, but his progression is slow to say the least...but he is doing better, praise the Lord.  but back to my uncle, he is doing better now, but it could have been bad. luckily, his good health is what saved him. he was in great shape because he was recently body-building for a while. but he can no longer do that, or heavy lifting for that matter any longer.  and what is sad about that is is that really made him happy.  but he'll get better again.  but now this is somewhat stressing me out because this might be hereditary....and THAT IS NOT THE BUSINESS!!! but anyways...yay for the recovery Uncle Rob....now my Aunt Jackie's case was just as crucial if not worse.  one of the healthiest, and health-conscious people in my family (she has a damn ph.d in health education people) had a minor stroke.  when i tell you i was so scared for her guys, i jumped right up and went to dc.  i was already preparing for that trip because the week she had her stroke was the same week of my father's birth (i'll talk about that in a second).  but it stressed me out. that was like the last straw. 

when my uncle had his incident, i was a little scared and sad. scared because it had happened to my grandfather, and he didn't recover in the way i thought he would, and that had everybody trippin out. and then sad because that is my mom's little brother and the look on her face when my grandmother called and told us.....i wanted to cry but i had to keep it together for her because she was going through sooo much at the time. but the incident with my aunt, i just couldn't take it for a second. my aunt is like....my everything. i love her so much. i care about her ENTIRE life because she stresses the most out of my entire family COMBINED. if it's not about money (which she has plenty of ), it's her relationship, and then her job....that damn job. ugh, it gets me so upset, even writing about it. but when i was up there, my mom and i went to the hospital and talked to her and my aunt and i had a serious talk....a grown-up talk, and she listened to me. we had had one of these a few months ago. she was hearing me, but she didn't listen because she had too much shit on her mind...but she listened this time. she didn't have a choice. it was either do or die for her situation because we can't have anymore strokes...that's a NO-GO. just no more stress period...high blood pressure + stress + hours of sleep that you can only count on one hand = DEATH...and i need her to live. i need everyone to live. i need everyone to just stop stressing. i mentioned it in my facebook status that week because it was just saturated throughout my family, and it was freakin me out more than ever.

so to end this half, STRESS is bad. i want my family to just stop, enjoy life and not take it so head-on, full force. i mean stress is natural when you're trying to accomplish something in life, but do you have to pay for it with your health? sorry, i vote NO. just deal with it calm and rationally because i would loooove to see you in front of my face on thanksgiving, at the dinner table, instead of in a hospital somewhere. and i thank you....and i love you....my Cooke fam.

ok, i'm still talking about family....buuuut, it's my other side now. my father's side. i don't have too much to say about them yet because i'm getting to know them now. it took me a long time to get to this point. you know, it starts with my father, and me and my father's relationship had an existence, but didn't really get started until the time of his passing,  but i loved him a great deal....love u dad....but back to the brown fam, what i love about them is that they never gave up on me. and for that,  they have my full attention for the rest of my life!!! lol....i recently attended the annual brown family reunion at the end of may, and they took me in like time never passed. i felt like a stranger so it was still awkward a little bit, but that will change because they will see more of me.

now on to my friends....yay!! lol...i love the friends that i have, my close ones. we have all grown into adults in a short amount of time, but that makes our friendships with one another so much better. there are some that didn't last, among my circle that is, like i hoped, but they're still connected to each other through me....there is still hope for them (my optimism talking!!!) but aside from my old friends, i have made some new ones....and one in particular has their own special category. but yeah i don't wanna say too much about it because it's still in the beginning stages, but i'm very happy to see where it's going. i haven't been this happy, personally, in a long time so i'm gonna stick to this lol. i see a change in me and so do my friends that see me. NEW BEGINNINGS!!!! i have to say though, it did start out rough lol, but that good ole internal organ that keeps the blood pumping through my body? it told me what to do lol....but anyways, anyways, that's the deal people.

alright, so i think i've covered everything i was feeling based on this blog. i'll probably blog some more though. i'm really getting into it this time around. i just have a lot to say and that special someone is inspiring me to say it....2 points for you!!! lol....

ok i'm done...bye....holla back...see you on the flip side....

LOVE AND BLESSINGS!!!!

To new beginnings, and much success... Pt. 1

ok so this is the first time in a while that i have written a blog, but for good and bad reasons. 1, i was just being lazy. 2, i was working. 3, i didn't have too much to write about. and i told myself this year, in doing this blog, i wasn't going to write about pointless things. so nooow, i have some things to write about.


alright, so the month of may has been a somewhat busy one for me thus far. work, social calendar, and just personal relationships with family and new friends seem to have started heavy this month. i'm guessing that this is the time to kick everything i want to happen for me in life into overdrive before its too late. but sometimes, i can get so nervous and scared. I just wonder if i have what it takes to succeed. but i have to think positive and claim my success. Like one of my favorite artists, Brandy, said "I'm claiming much success for me this year, because the sun has to shine somewhere..." so that will be my motto for 2010, unless changed otherwise.

but back to this month, i went to my first (and probably last lol) all-white party. it was a very exciting event to attend. it was my first club party, as well as my first DC club experience (shoutout to Hogates). i saw people i hadn't seen in a long time, and everyone looked so good....well not everyone, but it was good to see a group of black young adults look classy in white lol. although things didn't go as planned like they were suppose to...ugh, ridiculous lol...there was still much fun that took place, thanks to my friends that i stuck with...shoutout to Naya, Kima, Kima's new beau, and her friend. AND the fact that i saw my beautiful cousins at the party just took it over the top....repping for the fam with class and beauty was what i needed. I didn't do too shabby myself either...shoutout to EXPRESS lol.

now, there was a new years' resolution that i said i was gonna stick by. if you happen to have read one of my previous blogs, it had something to do with independence. while i have plenty of that, i would love to take someone along with me on my adventures, but i'm not gonna beg, so i end up doing things by myself which is fine...but that might change soon lol. anyways, i'm saying this because i was suppose to go to this concert in DC on the 8th of this month that i was very excited for, but my concert buddy just hasn't been able to be in contact, so i've been hesitating. NO MORE OF THAT. I mean the last one i did go to though was something that i will never forget. Janelle Monae is phenomenal...i'll just leave it that lol. so yeah, i need to get back into my concert mode, immediately.

ummm...oh ok, WORK. so work has been very exhausting lately, but it has kind of paid off though. i mean i do need another one pronto, but for the time being i'm very much satisfied. i have made a lot of good friends and have just been more into work than just doing it and leaving without really getting to know the people i work with. there are times where i hate working but it's the people that make it worth coming back to, and of course the money....shoutout to my co-workers and the summer movies lol.

ok, i don't want to write anymore because i want to save some for part 2 lol...so stay alert for it.....

MUCH LOVE.

support real music....GET INTO THEM!!!

my firends...mi amigos...mes amis....

"friends....how many of us have them?" for me, i have lots of them and i cherish them all dearly. it may not seem like i do at times, but i do. they help me get through whatever i may be going through at a certain time in my life. lately though, i feel as if i'm neglecting my friends....maybe one in particular lol. the point is, i love my friends and there is no need for them to feel as if i am dodging them in any kind of way. i might see one for a brief moment, and i might see another for a few hours, but the fact remains is that the love stays the same all around. there is no doubt i have had many friends in my lifetime...many have come and gone like the seasons change, and others have stayed around throughout life's experiences. the ones that stick around.....well, they always have a place in my heart and will never be forgotten. SO DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!!! (insider)

formspring.me

if you ask, then i'll be honest.... http://formspring.me/BluCookEmonstr

it's ok sometimes....REALLY!!!

so next friday, i'm going to see Timbaland perform at the NorVa in norfolk, va. i have to say, i am very excited about this. i haven't been to a concert since october of 2008....JANET JACKSON....*thinking of the memories*....ok, and i'm back lol. but i am going and as much as i would love to take someone or someone come along with me, i have decided to go by myself. this year, one of my many new years' resolutions is to do more things independently than to always ask or invite people to tag along. i mean....i get it....really. sometimes people just don't have the money at the time to do the things you might want to do, or they're just not interested in that kind of thing, and i totally understand. so, with those reasons being, i'm going by myself and that's totally ok with me. i personally don't understand why some people think it's so bad to go to events by yourself, or when you're asked who's going with you, you reply " i'm going by myself," and they reply back with "why are you going by yourself?!" BECAUSE I WANT TO!!! lol....it's always good to be around people that you know already and enjoy certain activities together; but being by yourself sometimes, you might enjoy it on a whole other level and meet new people in the process. i just know that i will no longer sit around and wait for someone to accept my invitation, and then when the time comes they can't do it and i'm no longer in the position to enjoy that certain event because i don't have the money now. NO SIR, NO MA'AM. (the message: DON'T HOLD BACK!!!)....so on january 15th, i will be at the NorVA, somewhere in the middle of the crowd getting my life from his setlist. i could possibly gain some new friends from this concert. and i might even see some people i already know there, so i'll just have to wait and see. OH!!! i forgot.....one of the other reasons i chose to go to this concert was in the hopes that one of my favorite artists, BRANDY, might grace us with her presence. she has been rapping recently with her new alter-ego, Bran'Nu, on his new LP Shock Value 2 (if you don't have it, you should go pick it up. it's great!!). she has also has been performing with him at certain events so that surprise will be the icing on the cake. but i won't jump the gun lol, i'll still enjoy the party that Timbaland's gonna bring. i'll tell u about it after it happens, but until then.....

ENJOY LIFE, AND NEVER HOLD BACK!!! for anyone.

just keepin' it F0r3sT.....

there's THE creator... and then there's MY creator...

she brought in the new year with me, so it's only fitting that she kick off my new look of my blog.

FABULOUS.FIERCE.FUNKY.

love u mom....