To: A Love Worth Saving by Forest Cooke

you tell me actions speak louder than words.
well i'm trying to convey this to you like herds
of sheep that i know annoy the fuck out of that sheep herder.
look, i'm not trying to be annoying,
but i try to keep avoiding
those situations that we go through.
you know, the ones that make you
go over the mountain, and through the roof?
but that should only give you proof
that there's a problem...with you.
cause it ain't me.
while you may disagree
that you haven't changed,
i've seen the evolution of you
and you need to rearrange
some things that you do.
now don't get me wrong boo,
i'm not perfect either.
sometimes i can be a hider
of emotions that i should express.
while one of these are unhappiness,
that's not what i'm trying to be,
or cause you any stress.
i just want you to be free...with me,
so that you'll see the happy...in us.
i'm telling you this so you know
how i feel, and that i try to show you
that our love can grow.
but you have to want it to,
if the future is me and you...

a mood manifested...

so last week my emotions were kind of all over the place. i have to say it wasn't my best looking days of rest & relaxation lol. but after i had to finally get it together by the end of the week (because i had to go to work), i was trying to figure out why my first day off of rest & relaxation became a 3-5 day emotional free for all. while my mom & uncle were out of town i actually had the opportunity to be productive and execute the tasks i had planned while having peace and quiet. i had the peace and quiet, but the being productive part was just not happening for me. normally the first day off i have out of the week i just chill, watch some t.v., or play around on the computer. but this time it was different. it was almost like i couldn't move from that one spot. i was downstairs, watched t.v. for most of the day, didn't really use my computer that much, and just thought about certain things that were on my mind. thinking about it now it was almost like an outer-body experience for me because i would never just stay in the same spot like that for days. it kind of scared me. during the days that i had off i would wake up and feel great because i knew that today would be that day that i would be productive and more optimistic than i was the previous day. i would be ready for the world in the morning, and then something would trigger me and i would fall right back into that spot and get right back into my feelings. then everything that i set out to do would just fall flat. i might have wanted to go to the store, clean the house, do some yard work for my mom, or even see some friends...but i didn't. that's something that i don't like to happen, especially when it comes to me wanting to do something, or saying that i'm going to and don't do it because my mood gets in the way. when it comes to friends i definitely hate it when my mood gets in the way because they may feel that i'm neglecting them when it's really not the case. i don't know...i just can't have those kind of days again. it should be against the law...

p.s. it's good to blog again...hopefully, this will be a weekly thing. maybe daily, but i won't push that lol